It’s Complicated

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It’s complicated.

Life. Love. Family. Politics.

Work. Friends. Responsibilities. Politics.

Health. Sanity. Projects. Politics.

It’s complicated.

Sometimes sublime.

Frequently scary.

Always intense.

One way or the other,

Never a dull moment!

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I know you’ve been worried about me.

Calling…e-mailing…wondering what’s up with Kait.

Well, it’s certainly been interesting times….

I think you’ll agree.

The shock & awe takes a daily toll.

It’s hard not to be pulled under.

Some days I manage to stay afloat

only by sheer will & gumption.

Mostly, I’m just hangin’ in here

because I’m determined

NOT to give up…

on peace…on love…on kindness…on miracles!

kind I’ve seriously had to recalibrate my life…

since the heart attack,

since the election,

since I began to understand

that a huge shift 

was happening in my life.

I needed to pull in,

get quiet,

ponder deeply,

and try to figure out

how the heck

to move forward again.

I learned that

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So, for the last couple of weeks

I’ve been trying to find my way:

looking for signs,

reading tea leaves,

taking the pulses

of our times.

Like you,

I’ve been confused…

muddled…

anxious…

angry…

scared…

and holding my breath.

But

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That’s been my healing balm.

That is why I haven’t managed to write a blog post

or conjure a March schedule

of Cottage classes and events.

That’s why

I’ve been out of touch.

That’s why

I’m still a little

bruised & battered.

But here’s the good news:

I made it through the strict six month probation period since the heart attack!

There was great concern among the docs that I might not bounce back at all.

But with the loving care of my Beloved Albert

and your beautiful friendship,

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I am very gratefully still here!  

Mind you, I’m not a 100%

and I’ve been warned

that I will never be again,

but I’m trying to get used to operating

at about 50% (with naps).

It’s been sooooooo humbling.

And disconcerting.

As you know,

I’m used to running at 150%!

Fully present.

Totally engaged.

Utterly over-committed.

More good news: I’ve gained a whole new respect

for healthy boundaries

and unapologetic self-care.

I’m really learning to prioritize

what really matters!

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So, this is just a little note

to let you know

 I’ll be unplugged

for another week please.

I’m gonna stay home with Sweetie

and do some more healing and enjoying.

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Talk among yourselves.

Cultivate all the joy you can.

Know that I am sending such love

and gratitude,

(AND a big, goofy KaitieBug grin!)

More soon.

Really.

Soon.

I’ll be back.

Please hold my place in your lives.

Take very good care of yourselves.

Peace Out,

Kait

P.S. Such happy memories of my sister Kim’s visit and so glad so many of you got to spend magical, creative time with her. She’s a huge part of my heart! Next blog post full of pictures and stories from our high-jinx together!

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© Copyright, Kaitlin Meadows. All Rights Reserved. 2017.

 

By Kaitlin Meadows