Whooooosh! I don’t believe I’ve ever been so ill!
One day happy, full of energy, my calendar full of fantastic stuff to do…and overnight, out-of-the-blue, WHAM!!! Knocked flat!!! No warning. No tags back. Five days of impossibly high fever, constant retching, zero energy, unable to keep even a tiny sip of water down. It was all I could do to just hold onto the edge of the wildly spinning planet for dear life!
Amazing how all of one’s totally vital plans, absolutely essential meetings, and incredibly crucial comings and goings just fall away!
After the initial waves, the resulting chaos, and the very slow recovery, I had me-self a good, hard think on my life. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends (and sometimes in the middle too!) for far to long, all the while dispensing such lovely platitudes about slowing down, letting go, taking more time to play. I meant to take my own advice. I did. I really did. But I hadn’t quite gotten ’round to it yet! Daaa!
Well, being curled in a fetal position for a week really made me rethink my options. I promised myself (if I ever stopped retching!) that I’d change up my life. So over the weekend I did. Finally. At last. Long overdue but never too late!
I’d spent a solid month getting the Girlz With HeART mentees (sorry, that sounds like a herd of small manatees) through their end of school year testings and graduations. They are wonderful, lively, energetic, needy, demanding, fantastic young women but I’m getting dangerously close to 70 years old and I’ve just plain run out of energy to be the center of their universes. Vain glorious proud me believed no one else would be up to the task. No one could do it as well, as passionately, as selflessly as ME. Silly woman!
“Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again. Its just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen: room for the grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” Pema Chodron
So, armed with my new sense of humility (and human frailty!), I finally fashioned a larger consortium to take on the most acute responsibilities and challenges of my Girlz With HeART program. It’s been a very interesting (and humbling!) process letting go of total control. I’m thrilled with the new, young, excited souls who have stepped up to add their own wonderful energy and vision to the day-to-day intensive summer months with the Girlz for me. The work, the solace, the mentoring, and the creativity will go on–re-inspired, re-enthused and I will get a little break! I am so grateful!
The upshot of this sudden bout with mortality (geez–after a week of constant barfing, the word “upshot” makes me a little nervous!) was a huge lightning flash of revelation about ways I want to re-sculpt my life. Having the luxury (well, more like the occasion) to have a few days to think about my life, I decided to apply the lesson of “letting go” to several other huge responsibilities. I won’t bore you with the details–suffice to say there will be a lot more FUN and NAPS and PLAY and HOMEBODY TIME in my life!!! I’ll have time to watch things bloom–to read a book–to giggle with my Sweetheart!
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” Alan Cohen
So check out my June & July Creative Cottage classes (click on the Cottage Classes tab at the top of the blog) and come play…let’s share our creativity and practice enjoying our lives together!
A thousand, million, trillion “thank you’s” to my fabulous husband Albert who cared for me so lovingly and thoughtfully! Thank you, too, all for your cards and calls and wonderful well-wishes! You bless me with your love!
Welcome to a summer of fun at Katlin’s Creativity Camp!!
Love & Gratitude From KaitieBug
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