Blog posts are hard…who the heck do I think I am sharing random bits of my small little life? Who wants to read these oddball musings anyhow? Am I just ranting in the wilderness? I was concerned about my last blog post—sharing with you that I was a little overwhelmed. I almost didn’t post it! Was I whining? Was it selfish and self-centered of me? How silly my small problems seemed on the grand scale of global issues facing our planet! I was worried that me, Susie Sunshine, was having a rough patch and was bothering you about it.
But you surprised me! I got so many calls and beautiful cards and dozens of emails. Every one of you said you could relate. Apparently we all get in over our heads, commit to too many things that devour our time, and fight our own energy vampires. Apparently everyone is struggling to learn to say “no” firmly, graciously and without guilt or shame. Apparently we all want to whittle more time from the fray for our own lives, friends, and passions. Who knew?????
I thought I was just a grumpy, self-centered old poop complaining about having too many obligations and not enough time…waawaawaa!
But from the moment the post showed up, you began calling and emailing me,thanking me for speaking up about what seems a universal problem. And so many of you, kindly, offered your help. You poured out hugs and solace, you offered to take some things off my shoulders, you enveloped me in LOVE!
Teresa and Nancy graciously took on primary responsibility for a troublesome committee, Lyla became my right-arm with the Girlz with HeART Project, Anne brought me a beloved Flavia DeLuce mystery to devour in a rocking chair in the sunshine on the front porch, Cissie & her dear husband Michael brought a printer for the Cottage (on my wish list for three years!), and I got an amazing note from my dear neighborhood friend Karen: with the best reasons in the world to say “No!” to things that didn’t fill my heart or feed my spirit…
It was such a rush of love and caring…I was sooo touched by the outpouring! I clung to it while I got my bearings.
But guess what? I’m terrible at asking for help and even less good at accepting it. I ain’t no star spangled Wonder Woman with super human magic but I’ve been acting like one for years! “No, that’s alright, I’ll carry that 400 pound weight up that slippery hill in the pouring rain with a broken arm, cuz I’m a sassy, independent woman, not some whimpy shrinking violet.” But why? Why, when there are happy, eager hands willing to help? Why, when someone has ropes and pulleys and a pick-up truck? Why take it all on yourself?
I actually thought self-sacrifice was virtuous! I didn’t want to”bother” people or “presume” on them or be “needy,” so I tried to do it all myself. But what I was being was just plain silly!
Thanks for reminding me in such a gentle way (and loving me anyway!) You are such a blessing in my life and I promise to get better at this “receiving” stuff–I promise to practice saying, “Could you lend me a hand?” and “No, I can’t take on that task of yours–I’ve promised my friends I’m going to take more time for them and my garden and my art-making!”
Meanwhile, know I am just one, raggedy human, floundering through life, figuring things out one tiny moment at a time…with a little help from my friends! Thank You!