It’s been quite a week…the world seems such a very fragile place to me right now. I know it’s a combination of things. Today is the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. He was a difficult man with many demons, including drink and gambling…but I never once doubted that he loved me and that is something, isn’t it?
He was mostly absent (in oh so many ways) in my life but he was a man of his word, generous to a fault with his friends, and never a whiner. He loved cars and could tell by just listening what was the matter and the best way to fix them…a lost art these days with electronic computers on board every car. He just finally ran out of gas… He was a dinosaur that life passsed by and made obsolete.
When I was in Bisbee I saw some wonderful old vehicles I know he would have loved… and it made me miss him keenly and wish I hadn’t let all the old crap get in the way of spending more time with him as he aged and found himself ill and alone. Sigh…shoulda, woulda, coulda…And then I started thinking about all those old adages…”When One Door Closes…Another Opens” and all that…I always tend to open all the windows and doors in my life…and, no matter what, keep certain doors slightly ajar just in case there is some chance for reconciliation or a welcome new insight… But sometimes life just throws you a curve and the window closes before you can get the door open…and you get caught between worlds suddenly, stuck.
This week my Beloved Albertis ill and in pain and I feel so helpless and concerned that I can’t be a better nurse and more comfort to him. I’ve had to reschedule classes, amend appointments, shift “to dos” until later, disappoint some folks…but I realized this morning that I have allies and friends who have offered their love and support–thank you to Marnie & Berta & Ann & Lucy & Karen & my Altered Art Divas and the whole, lovely gaggle of friends who have stepped up to offer us good cheer and loving hugs! Thank you!
And I have a very strong, calm, deep spiritual center that I can go to…a place of light and hope and ancient wisdom that comforts me!I know that things will be okay…the souls of all the little children swept up in the tornado in Oklahoma will find peace…when they enter the tiny fairy doors at the base of trees so that they can continue to grow and flower in a safe, comforting place…
And, I too will be okay…my Beloved will heal, the sun will come out, and my heart will be full of love and light again soon. Thanks for hangin’ in there with me while I pry open this last door…to let the gentle breeze come in and sweep out the worry! Much Love & Gratitude From KaitlinCopyright, Kaitlin Meadows, 2013. All Rights Reserved.