I’ve been thinking…deeply, quietly, pondering, musing, dreaming. This is my favorite season and I do a good deal of my personal cogitating and inward-looking during the respite of Autumn’s softening light. Time for counting my blessings, bringing in the harvest of my emotions, reminding myself that, no matter what my circumstances,
It’s time to bring in the last roses before the first frost.
But First: a happy update. My October adventure along California’s beautiful coastline with my beloved sister Kim was amazing! We talked and talked–laffed and laffed–cried and cried–played on the beach every day, read books, scribbled in our journals, ate at the Sea Shanty, and stayed in the most delightfully charming place in Cayucos, the Seaside Motel! We LOVED it!!!
My sister reminded me who I am, what my dreams are, and “from wench I came.” I’ve always thought of myself as a sort of orphan, but she reminded me I have a “family” in her & her extended tribe. And a place at the hearth of life beside her.
Sisters are a powerful thing! I’m so grateful for the magic of the beach trip and all she taught me while we were there. My sister re-ignited my spark and lit new lamps of hope in my heart. Thank You Kim and family!
So, go put the tea kettle on my friends, get us a yummy, warm-from-the-oven snack, curl up here in front of the fire, and let me tell you all about what I’ve been thinking…pondering, musing…
Since I returned from the sea, I’ve been letting in lots of things I didn’t have time (or mental/emotional space) for before I left. I’ve been “getting real” with lots of things that I had all but refused to think about in the three years of active care and cancer treatments for my Sweetheart. I’ve been letting in the love and concern, the caring and wisdom, the solace and thoughtful advice of those who love me. And, like the changing seasons, I’m changing too; letting go of some things and embracing others in new ways.
I’m even daring to embrace BIG NEW DREAMS, for the first time in years!
A huge transition is coming. I can feel it rumbling under my feet and stirring in my heart, like a playful little breeze, skipping scarlet & golden leaves along the illuminated path ahead of us.
I’m not sure where it will take me or what it has in store for me. All I can do is trust.
My husband Albert has made a brave, thoughtful decision to cease his grueling cancer treatments after a very long & dedicated effort (with the wonderful, compassionate care of Donald Brooks & Linda at AZ Oncology). He has chosen to step off the chemo treadmill in favor of a much enhanced, short-term, better “quality of life.” Far from being sad, this decision has really re-energized and re-inspired us to think about “what now?”
A “what now” considerably constrained by his illness, my aversion to the heat, the constantly changing chaotic dynamic of world politics, the cruel dispensation of various dark stars who, apparently, are in love with going retrograde, and our ever tightening purse strings which make options fewer and fewer. We’re both dedicated to a “what now” that’s all about love and trust and steady good cheer. Together.
The time has come. Changes are afoot.
Time to shift our balance, hunker down, live out however many days there are ahead of us with love and grace.
Not sure exactly what that’s going to look like. Or how it’s going to work out. Or where it’s going to take us. Or when, precisely, it’s going to happen.
All I can do is trust.
It’s been a hard, hard, HARD up-hill climb for both of us these last several years. Between my takotsubo heart attack and Albert’s multiple myeloma. Through trials and tribulations. Through sorrows and joys. Through years of energetic commitment to our passions, causes, responsibilities, and obligations. We’ve braved it ALL, together. Mostly holding hands. True friends. Comrades. Loving companions. Partners. NO MATTER WHAT!
But now it’s time for peace and calm and rest. These last few seasons of our lives, we want nothing more than a new nest, a peaceful roost in the trees, a cozy fire in the wood stove, a good book, and our faithful old dog Gus beside us. We’re ready to release most of our “material world” stuff, jettison our old, ill-fitting roles & responsibilities, and strike out on a new path with re-inspired energy and enthusiasm for whatever moments we have left.
We’ve decided to…
and look for somewhere softer, sweeter, less demanding of our energies. A place where we can write, read, create, and just BE for however long we have. Together.
So, stay tuned.
Big, Happy, Good News is Coming!
Catch every sunset that you can!
With Love and Trust In Transitions,
© Copyright, Kaitlin Meadows, 2019. All Rights Reserved